Falling Up

Falling Up.

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I’m baaaaaack …

Hello dear buds,

I went back to Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago after our amazing Hawaiian vacation. How amazing? Four and a half pounds worth. I weighed in at 198.8. So still less than the 205 I started at on Jan. 1, 2012, but markedly more than the 186 I got down to in June 2012.

Lots of you have asked me why I quit blogging. The simple truth os that I’ve had an eating disorder for about 10 years. It’s called bulimia. It started because of horrible gut problems. I mentioned it to my unsuspecting Pa, who said that he used to have terrible stomach aches too, and said that if he made himself sick, that gave him great relief. So the next time I was clutching myself in agony, I tried it. And it worked. And before long, it became a habit. After that, the attendant outcome was also clear: weight didn’t stick to me. I conquered it a couple of years ago, but found that I was becoming obsessive with my Supersvelte quest.

how could a woman in her forties develop such a disorder? Well, it’s more common than one might think. And shockingly, a high percentage of women suffer from bulimia at some point or another.

it is a work in progress. I vacillate between weighing and counting everything to a hell-be-damned eat, drink and be merry approach. I am working on a day to day approach now.

My main goal is to feel good. Not starving and not too full. Last week, I gained 1.4 pounds. I went 71 points over the Weight Watchers weekly allotment. My average calories per day were 1785. I worked out four times. Two weight training classes, yoga, and the elliptical.

I now occasionally forget to weigh myself. I go to Weight Watchers meetings and stay. I track everything I eat … And drink. I use most of my extra points for wine. It is a journey … One that I have never given up on, despite outward appearances.

Ms. Less than Supersvelte, weighing in at 198.4.

Never give up!

September is like New Year’s

Starting weight 205.  Current weight 189.

I managed to gain 4 pounds in the last couple of weeks. Too much wine, I’ve concluded. So there shall be none tonight nor any until Friday. All-or-nothing thinking isn’t supposed to be healthy, but it works for me (when I’m on a “nothing” kick).

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. And couldn’t go back to sleep, even though it was a holiday. So I went to the gym. I joined a second one this weekend that is so ridiculously close to my house that there is absolutely NO excuse for evading a workout, even on a zoo-like workday. Twenty-seven minutes on the elliptical trainer. I was targeting 35, but I needed to go to the bathroom and decided that 27 minutes was good enough. (Note to self: go to g-d bathroom before working out.) I’ve had quite the hiatus from the gym this summer. The rationale was that I garden my brains out. This is true. However, summer is waning, which tears at my gardener’s soul. So it’s back at it. I have always viewed Labour Day weekend as a restart of my good intentions, kinda like a New Year‘s restart.

Tomorrow, I will be marooned in another all-day meeting (torture for my borderline ADHD self) and meeting my 21-year-old son after work so he can tell me all about his first day at his co-op work term. So the workout needs to be first thing. I will arise at 6 a.m. and drive the 4 minutes to the gym. Nooooo excuses!

Aside

August 27, 2012

Starting weight 205; Current weight 185

Ms. Supersvelte is back! Why the long hiatus, you ask? Well, the full story will be revealed at the conclusion of the quest to lose 50 pounds. Suffice it to say that I had been re-engaging in past eating disorder behaviour and didn’t want to taint my blog with that. I am happy to say that I have conquered this issue and am back on track.

 Although this won’t be news to those among you who are fit, lithe, disciplined – and therefore alien – beings, it will be for those of you who keep asking me how I’ve lost 20 pounds in 34 weeks. (I was hoping for 34 pounds in 34 weeks, but 20 pounds is better than any previous year’s efforts, so I’ll take it.)

Consistency is the answer.

 That’s IT?! You exclaim, in exasperation! Yup.

I can honestly say that I’ve been on a diet for the past 17 years. And have gained about 40 pounds in that period. It started after my babies. I can no longer blame excess weight on “baby fat”. The baby of the family will turn 20 in a few weeks …

 I had been blessed with an exceptional metabolism, and could eat pretty well anything without gaining. Of course, having babies coincided with becoming a workaholic who sat on her a** for hours at a time – both at work and on airplanes. Not long after, I married my hedonistic second husband Jay, who loves wine even more than I do. He’s also an excellent cook.

 So I fell into the habit of imbibing wine with my beloved after work, dining on his home-cooked meals, drinking more wine after dinner while working, and generally getting almost no exercise much of the cold Northern winter. Not good.

 Since I started the Supersvelte journey on January 1, I have discovered many things:

1)     it doesn’t matter how damned good you are most of the week. If you consistently blow the healthy eating with modest portions routine a few days each weekend, you’ll maintain or even gain weight.

2)     Stuff with white anything doesn’t keep you sated and usually has worthless calories (muffins, bread, evil croissants, etc.)

3)     Sauces are the downfall of weight loss. Salad dressing, gravy, pasta sauce – it’s all fattening (with the exception of tomato sauce).

4)     Portion size almost matters more than sauces. Yup. 4 oz. of any kind of meat looks paltry, and it is, but it’s half the amount of what I used to ingest, and therefore (you guessed it), half the calories.

5)     Being starving is the enemy of weight loss. You get so desperate that you’ll stuff anything near into your mouth. In my case, that is always cheese.

6)     Which brings me to the subject of cheese. It has some compound in it called casein, which … wait for it … some researchers have called “dairy crack” (Neal Barnard, vegetariantimes.com). It has an opioid-type effect. I loooooove cheese. I only allow myself one piece per day of Babybel light small wrapped rounds. (Unless you count last Friday when we had friends over and served three kinds of cheese as an appetizer, of which I ingested approximately 1/2 pound.)

7)     Wine doesn’t have a lot of calories if you can stick to a 4-oz serving. (Now who in their right mind ever does THAT?!?!) I have discovered that a 4-oz. glass is better than a zero-oz. glass, so I have learned to saaaaaaavouuuuuur.

8)     Exercise is a habit that is easily broken. There’s always a ready excuse. I can’t wait til I feel like it. Today, I didn’t feel like it, but I made myself go to the gym. The only problem was that I forgot my T-shirt. So I came home and drank a 4-oz. glass of wine. Then I drank 2 more. Oops.

 All this to say that I have learned that this journey will remain that – a journey. I still have 30 more pounds to go, but I must say that I feel 1,000% better than I did 20 pounds ago. I also have more vitality when I eat less than I want, drink less, and move more.

 It’s not rocket science, but it’s just as hard to to be consistently disciplined.

 I’m not there yet, but I’ve stopped expecting perfection and I start over the day after I indulge.

🙂

Here’s a picture of me at 190 (after having lost 15 pounds). The funny thing is that I felt wayyy thinner than I look here…

Image

August 27, 2012…

Broke the 10-pound barrier … again!

Starting weight Jan. 1, 2012 … 205 lbs

Today’s weight at Weight Watchers … 194.4

Today’s weight starkers and after peeing … 192

If slow and steady wins the race, I am turtling my way downward. I’d prefer to hurtle towards 155, but the trend is going the right direction.

I’ve been quite silent on this blog. I am used to setting goals and exceeding them. The only thing I’m exceeding with my quest to lose 50 pounds in 50 weeks is the time frame within which I pledged to drop the weight. It is now week 22, so I have 28 weeks til my end date and 39.4 pounds to go. That means I need to lose 1.4 pounds per week from now on. Yikes!

I’ve had quite the hiatus from the gym. I simply don’t feel like it. I know I can’t wait til I feel like it. But knowledge does not equal action. Funny enough, I quite like it once I’m there.

The good news is  that it’s gardening season again! Which is my second favourite earthly joy. (My fave earthly joy is  when Jay jumps on me ;). Oooh, that was a distracting thought! Anyhow, I was out digging, transplanting, watering, pruning and planting last weekend for 25 hours total. Made me soooooo happy, and it’s like doing continuous squats.  So my legs are feeling it and must be oh, at least a couple of millimetres smaller!

So this week’s plan is gym tomorrow,Tuesday and Friday. There are a couple of evening events, so the plan is ONE glass of wine at each and no fried appetizers or cheese.

 

Stay tuned!

Post-Miraval report

Starting weight: 205 on January 1, 2012

Current weight: 195.4

I spent a week at Miraval in Tucson on a weight loss program. The place is so zen that you feel stress and its evil minion cortisol evaporate in the desert air. I am a bit of a self-actualization junkie, so I lapped up every groovy offering.

I met with an athletic coach about discipline on the exercise front. She talked about how athletes adopt lots of obsessive practices that they never deviate from. Things like tying their shoelaces a certain way, exercising on a finely honed schedule, eating exact nutritional combinations, etc. She said that athletes break down the steps they must follow to perform at their peak at a race or whatever their sport is. But then they follow those steps religiously, and don’t focus on the ultimate goal (winning). Conversely, us diet afficionados focus constantly on the outcome (the magic number on the scale), rather than the minute, specific and utterly consistently executed steps to get there.

I meditated with a wondrous expert, whose very presence was soothing. Apparently guided or active meditation (e.g. Walking meditation) is recommended for those with active squirrel brains, like me. That is one of the reasons that I believe I revel so much in gardening.  It is completely absorbing and engenders amazing peace.

A nutritionist told me that it wasn’t necessary to forsake wine. (Be still, my beating heart!) She said to have four “doses” each of carbs, protein and healthy fats. Six ounces of wine counts as a carb dose. So if I choose a glass of wine, then I need to ensure that I only have 3 other carbs. I’ve been following this logic for the past week, and the weight continues to fall 🙂

Not that I’m focusing on the outcome…

Mir – ahhhhhhhh – val

205    Jan 1, 2012 Starting weight

197     April 25, 2012

My dear friend Paula and I are at the famous Tucson, AZ spa Miraval. I’m taking a weight loss program. Now I could teach most of these concepts, but knowledge isn’t translating into results, so here I am. Plus, I get to be with Paula, sleep in an amazing feather bed, eat artfully prepared bunny food (aka mostly vegetables), exercise, meditate and go for massages that bring you to tears, they’re so exquisite.

I had a resting metabolic rate test today that showed that my body expends 1,670 calories per day just to keep itself alive. In other words, despite being middle-aged (52) and menopausal, my metabolism is completely normal. So I’m not porky because of a sluggish system. I’m porky because I consistently blow my calorie budget and ingest more than my body needs. This is supposed to be encouraging, because it means I can consume around 1,450 calories per day and lose weight at an encouraging, but safe, 1-2 pounds per week.

I then met with a personal trainer. My blood pressure is 93 over 64, and resting heart rate is 67. He gave me a punishing interval training regimen. He says intervals are the best way to truly get in shape. Many folks (like me) plod along on the treadmill or elliptical at the same rate, and don’t see much in the way of results.

I’m off to a weight loss class now. More later!

Ms. Not-too-svelte

Healthy holidaying!

Spoiled rotten me is on another hot holiday. This time we’re in Cabo San Lucas at a fabuloso resort called Capella Pedregal. It’s not an all-inclusive, which is a great thing for someone trying to be super svelte. Each day, we have walked for about 2 hours. Today, I went to the gym for 1/2 hour before breakfast!

We’re averaging 2 meals per day because we’re just not hungry. I’ve limited myself to just one delicious margarita per day in the afternoons by the pool. They are so delicious, and I savour them because I know I am only having one.

Sounds obvious, but I feel much better when I’m not too full.

And since the SuperSvelte quest is also about working less and acquiring less, here’s an update. This is the first holiday of the past decade with no laptop. I have my iPad, but I’m not working. At all. And i don’t miss it.

As for shopping, my sweetheart did buy me a modest ring, but I haven’t felt any desire to troll around the stores. Wow, man. Maybe there’s hope!